and you said cock pushups were impossible
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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