3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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