I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
