So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
