you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
