a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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