I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
