thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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