you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Never underestimate the power of titties
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
