Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
