I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Randomize
