So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
