so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
