I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
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sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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