I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
