When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
