i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
