Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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