i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
