I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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