my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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