Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
