I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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