Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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