Someone shit on the floor
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize