amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
