I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
why is half of my head shaved?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
