My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
