i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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