You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
