I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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