I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
