Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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