Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
