It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
