yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
