I didn't shave. On purpose
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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