im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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