Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
