So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
