Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
