i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
