Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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