i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
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