the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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