i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
