I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Randomize
