This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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