He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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