I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
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I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
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You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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