Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
