They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Life is so much better after having sex.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
