Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
