My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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