I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
