i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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