I bet he comes in French.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize