Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
