i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
