So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
