Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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