do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
