How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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