I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
