Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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