We won't sleep together?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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