Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
