remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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