i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
