Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
