and she was petting her beer can
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
