Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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