these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
