She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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