I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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