he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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