My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
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