I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
