She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
