I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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