It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
