I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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